The Mindy Episode

I've transcribed the episode from memory below.

BART: [repainting the lines of the parking spaces] "The beauty of it is each parking space is a mere one foot narrower - indistinguishable to the naked eye - but therein lies the game."

MILHOUSE: "I fear to watch, yet I cannot turn away!"

SKINNER: "Blast it woman, you've parked too close! Move your car!"

KRABAPPEL: "I'm in the lines! You got a problem, go tell your momma."

SKINNER: "Oh don't worry, she'll hear about this!"

TEACHERS, COLLECTIVELY: "I can't get out!" "I'm trapped!" "I can't breathe!"

BART: [laughing maniacally]

KRABAPPEL: "Class! I know there's no way to prove who actually did this, and in our American democracy everyone is innocent until proven guilty."

BART: "God bless America."

KRABAPPEL: "But my classroom is not a democracy. Hah! For the rest of the year, Bart Simpson will be the first student called on for every question..."

BART: [GULP]

KRABAPPEL: "Welp, let's get started. Can anyone pronounce..." [underlining 'PHOTOSYNTHESIS' on the board] "...this word?" [looking around the room] "Hrmmm..... Bart?

BART: [FUMFERING]

MARTIN: "Oh pick me teacher, I'm ever so smart! It's Photosynthesis! Damn your feeble brain."

BART: "Oh I couldn't read it, the letters are all blurry."

KRABAPPEL: "Is it possible all your misbehaviour and miserable grades have been caused by a simple vision disorder?"

BART: [Dickensian accent] "You mean it ain't me noggin it's me peepers? Well that's just loverly."

Coworkers HOMER, LENNY, KARL and CHARLIE watching an unnamed WORKER in a sealed room

WORKER: [Carefully moving volatile nuclear waste in glass jars]

HOMER: "Watch this guys." [Homer uses a mechanical arm to pinch the worker's rear, who screams and drops the material. The room starts to fill with green gas]

LENNY: "Uh oh! He's done for!"

KARL: "Yeah, don't worry. The safety glass will protect us.

[The safety glass begins to leak, klaxon sounding, red light flashing. All gasp]

LENNY: "Run! We'll hide at my house!"

[ALL run into the emergency exit, which does not open. CHARLIE feels the wall]

CHARLIE: "This emergency exit is painted on!"

KARL: "There's no way out, there's no way out! We're doomed - doomed!"

MR BURNS' office. Charlie is in front of MR BURNS and his assistant SMITHERS

CHARLIE: "Well sir, I won't bore you with the details of our miraculous escape, but we desperately need a real emergency exit."

MR BURNS: [Feigning jotting down into a notepad] "Why that's a fabulous idea. Anything else you'd like? How about real lead in the radiation shields? Urinal cakes, maybe? Smithers, throw this at him."

SMITHERS: [Throws the notepad, which connects]

MR BURNS: [Pushing a red button under his desk, a glass tube lowers and sucks CHARLIE up into it]

MR BURNS: [Bored] "Smithers, where does that tube go?"

SMITHERS: "I'm not sure sir, it was here when we moved in."

Vaguely south eastern music plays on a sitar. Establishing shot of a tall building with onion domes at night in a desert. Cut to inside where men are seated around a glass tube which hangs in the air above a table.

[CHARLIE enters via the glass tube onto the table]

THE MEN: "DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!"

[CHARLIE begins to do a shuffling dance. The men cheer with ululations]